


dominos

by grahamcockroach



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Drabble, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, will become part of a larger work when lazy ass grahamcockroach finishes other stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:28:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27748276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grahamcockroach/pseuds/grahamcockroach
Summary: Short story of Roger understanding and accepting his bisexuality.(this work serves as a prologue to a plot that is still brewing in my head)
Relationships: Freddie Mercury/Roger Taylor
Comments: 4
Kudos: 15
Collections: The Froger Week 2020





	dominos

**Author's Note:**

> this is mostly just based on my own experience with internalized homophobia and coming to terms with me being a homo lol.another fic i will post in the future is basically about roger coming to terms with being gay in his 30s, not sure if it will be froger or OC he ends up with there but for the sake of this fic it is aljshdfshrg. i hope this tiny drabble is somewhat enjoyable aldh gldhr.
> 
> not beta read at all so if this sucks give it to me in the comments please

Roger didn’t question his sexuality. If he found his mind wandering in clubs or on lonely nights, he forced those images out of his mind and replaced it with those of women. He certainly was attracted to women, he undoubtedly loved women, but that knowledge didn’t erase his other attractions. 

The very first time he could remember feeling attracted to men was when he was around 14, a boy from the year above him, he found himself looking and thinking about him the same way he did with girls. The thoughts terrified him when he first realized what those thoughts were, but in later teenage years came to ignore it as best he could, and never speak a word of it to anyone. 

He figured it was normal to feel attraction to your own sex as well as the other, but people just repressed that part of their attraction to fit in more smoothly; which he learnt was not the case after letting his speculation slip to his friend during an very early-morning conversation with a college friend, his speculation which was met with thinly veiled disgust. After that, he never mentioned it. 

He often pushed it away since that event, he was satisfied with female attention enough so that he could keep that part of him at bay.  
Over the years his repression became less and less effective. 

He remembered one specific instance in 75’ at the Night at the Opera release party allowing himself to linger his gaze at certain people for longer than he ever had before. It sounded small to let himself merely look at people, but after what he had done to restrict any homosexual thoughts since that point made it seem big. The rules he had put up for himself: not looking at any man he found attractive any more than he had to, thinking of anything non-female during his personal time he would force himself to stop immediately, and never speaking a word of it to another soul. 

That instance at the release party was almost like a domino effect, after that he slowly allowed himself more and more imaginary situations to indulge himself in, never allowing himself to show it to anyone else. Slowly, he let himself find men attractive, instead of ignoring the attraction he pushed away the shame until it wasn’t there anymore.  
It took him until around his 31st birthday to actually act on his attraction to men for the first time, making out with a random brunette at a bar in Amsterdam. It took him another couple years to act on a long-buried crush.

He still often felt insecure about it, the words of people he couldn’t even remember the faces of coming back to haunt him on off days, but he was getting better at accepting himself. 

Looking back on his life at age of 37, his younger self would be more than surprised to see him now, in bed with his sleeping boyfriend Freddie on a rainy morning. He was more than grateful to have finally gotten his shit together, even if it was so late in life.  
***


End file.
